It is interesting to look back at life – at the directions its goes – at the decisions we make – consciously and unconsciously – sometimes self-destructive choices– choices that hurt other people -
Having arrived at a place where I feel at home with myself I see on different levels and in different ways how through the years fears often defined me - how I was afraid that I was flawed or broken – an imposter – afraid of failure – of success – afraid that if someone truly knew me they couldn’t or wouldn’t love me – too often doing things to show them why they shouldn’t love me -
As I’ve said before – our family has a history of mental illness going back a hundred years – as well as a history of keeping that history unspoken, shameful and a secret going back nearly a century as well –
For a long time I believed that those things somehow made me different – made me other – when I got to a place where I was no longer afraid of my fears – after I had found, faced, and freed many of them - I began to realize that most of us have our fears – they can often be - whether we are aware of it or not - fears about ourselves and who we believe we truly are –- and that many of us grow up in families where there’s something shameful and unsaid– when we can break the silence and shake the shame it’s possible to make those parts of ourselves simply part of our story – we can begin to define those parts of ourselves instead of being defined by them –we can live with our fears instead of in them – and when we can do that we have a chance to be home with ourselves and our story and those around us and the world of which, like it or not, we are all a part of -
That’s what this next song – “Fears Don’t Scare Me Like They Used To” from the Gratitude, Grit, and Grace album - is about – as the chorus says: Fears don’t scare me like they used to – once I found what fears are most afraid of - they hate being faced -exposed – and embraced- by truth – light - and love.
FEARS DON’T SCARE ME
When I hear all we have to fear is fear itself
Think of all of those times I’ve been afraid of myself
Didn’t know why I was feeling the way that I felt
Or how I was dealing with the cards I was dealt
Then one day I found both a will and a way
To look at those fears begin givin’ them names
More that I knew them the less I was afraid
Their power to haunt me simply was not the same
Chorus
My fears don’t scare me like they used to
Once I found what fears are most afraid of
They hate being faced, exposed or embraced
By truth, light, or loveFears scare me most when they hide in the dark
When I know that they’re out there but don’t know what they are
To meet them and to love them that can be awfully hard
Though to shine a light on them is a very good start
It was something to learn how to live with my fears
To not simply live in them as I’d done all those years
When what I’m afraid of becomes stated and clear
A lot of what haunts me appears to disappear
Chorus
My fears don’t scare me like they used to
Once I found what fears are most afraid of
You see they hate being faced, exposed or embraced
By truth, light, or love©Copyright 2017
Love Gives More Music/Tartaruga MusicFor a long time I wanted to believe that if I found and faced and freed my fears they would no longer scare me. I learned the best I could do was go from living in fear to living with my fears. It’s enough.
