Welcome to Songs and Stories from Home Podcast #34
In the movie A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, Tom Hanks, as Mr. Rogers, tells us that anything that is Mentionable is Manageable.
I want to believe that…I choose to believe that…
Yet it is something I didn’t learn when I was growing up…what I did learn when I turned twenty-two is that without knowing it, I had grown up in a family in which there were things that were unmentionable. That my dad had been in a mental institution when I was born – that his brother – my uncle – had died in a mental institution – that mental illness – especially in the form of anxiety – was and remains part of my inheritance. At this stage – in my 70’s – I realize that while there is still a stigma around mental illness that it is nothing to be ashamed of – but can be something that needs to be managed – and to do that it needs to be mentioned – at least to those we are closest to – and when necessary – to health care workers who can help us – Looking back I cringe at the stories I told myself to try to make sense of what I was feeling inside without any of those insights – I told myself that there was something wrong with me – that I was broken in some way I did not understand – probably irredeemably – certainly something to be ashamed of – and in lots of ways that story – those stories - kept me from learning to truly love myself – and I feel at times led me to do things to prove to other people I was not lovable – and in the process I hurt them –my greatest regret –
These days I am filled with gratitude – for the people who stuck with me – as I slowly found my truth and the story or stories that go with it –in that process I was able to learn to define those things that had for so long defined me -
I will end this podcast with a song that tells about an encounter I had with my mom when she was 90 and I was 65 – for so long our story had been with my dad in the hospital when I was born – my mom chose to unsuccessfully try to be with him – and therefore not really there for me – the truth is that she was just overwhelmed – and wasn’t ready for me to come into her life – and to find that out – even at 65 – is a gift – and a way to understand and love my mom more and better – as well as myself – or as the song says – it’s never too late for a healing moment -
NEVER TOO LATE
Mom was a 90 year old woman I was a man of 65
A few years ago round Christmas we were talking about our lives
Cause I was soon to be a granddad we started talking about my birth
And something buried for so long was suddenly unearthed
She said I simply wasn’t ready at the time that you were born
With all that we had going on to handle one thing more
As I listened to her talking I felt like was being exposed
Both to some kind of healing light and to a lightening bolt
When she finished I sat a moment making sense of what I’d heard
And inside an understanding that went way beyond those words
I got up and I embraced her and we both said I love you
Then we sat down in the silence not sure what more to do
It’s never too late for a healing moment
never too late to find our truth
To be released somehow to know it
to heal those primal wounds
Got up went to the bedroom where the tears began to flow
For all the things I finally knew and for what I did not know
While I couldn’t say what was different I knew nothing was the same
What haunted me for all those years now finally had a name
For so long I’d been puzzled and there it was the missing peace
Something that was holding me was suddenly released
Old maps and charts now obsolete fall off the edge no more
What once said here be dragons had become mine to explore
I went and found my mother and when I looked into her eyes
I saw I was not the only one who had taken time to cry
In a way we had been two lost souls who had stumbled on a place
Where we had once been adversaries now each other’s saving grace
It’s never too late for a healing moment
never too late to find our truth
To be released somehow to know it
to heal those primal wounds
©Copyright 2017
Love Gives More Music
